


For Lost Time

by Myarna



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Don't Judge Me, Graduation, HS AU, Highschool AU, M/M, but don't actually, like there's plot, sort of smut, they sort of start having sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-28
Updated: 2014-09-28
Packaged: 2018-02-19 04:11:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2374052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Myarna/pseuds/Myarna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Of course, it's graduation. Of course, it's the last time they'll ever see each other. Of course, Dean screws everything up. Or...does he?</p>
            </blockquote>





	For Lost Time

He'd said hello to him maybe three times in four years. Never anything more. Sure, he'd wanted to hold a conversation, ask how his day was going, but he'd never got up the courage. 

Now, it was graduation and he was never gonna see him again. This was it, his last chance. 

When Cas had gotten up on stage to receive his diploma, Dean felt like he'd clapped the loudest. There had been a brief moment, then, through all the chaos, where Cas found Dean's eyes. God only knows how. Dean was sat right at the back with the Welches and the Warrens, and Cas was all the way up the front. 

He probably wasn't even looking at him, Dean decided. It just really felt like he was. 

When it was Dean's turn to collect his diploma, he'd looked for Cas, but he didn't see him. 

He could see him now. He was just stood there, draped in his red graduation gown, hair perfect despite the cap. He was talking to Anna, a long time friend of his. 

Dean was stood alone, beginning to feel creepy for staring rather than looking for his parents or something. Just as he was about to walk away, he felt a hand on each of his shoulders.

“Do it. I dare you,” she whispered into his ear, sashaying around to face him as she did. 

“What? Do what?” 

“Get over yourself, go over there, and kiss him,” Charlie ordered, glaring into his eyes with that confident certainty she always oozed. 

“I—” Dean flushed bright red as he continued to watch Castiel. “I can’t, Charles. Look at him, he’s happy. I can’t do that to him.” 

“Why not? You’ve got about two minutes before he gets bored with Anna and goes to find his parents. It’s now or never, Dean.” She raised one neatly plucked ginger eyebrow, daring him to defy her. 

“You don’t understand.”

“Obviously not. But man, you’ve been crushing on him since forever, and now you’re both going to different colleges. Don’t give up this last chance.” 

Dean sighed, ready to ignore Charlie’s advice and just continue like a normal human being, but then Cas turned and saw him staring. Immediately, Dean’s face turned as red as his graduation gown. Charlie took the opportunity to push him forward, hard. 

Cas had turned back to Anna at this point, but Charlie’s push had given him an unreasonable amount of confidence. He strode across the hall, knees shaking. 

“Cas,” he greeted, stopping dead when the bright blue eyes found his, a warm look within them. It took Dean’s breath away momentarily.

Instinct overtook him. He forgot about Anna, he forgot about how Cas would probably want to greet him too or at least say something, he forgot about his reservations. He blinked before stepping closer, taking Cas’ face in his hands. 

He didn’t give Cas a moment to think. He just leaned forward and pressed their lips together. It felt so good, just as perfect as Dean had imagined. And he’d imagined it a lot. But then, he heard a quiet gasp from Cas, and his stomach dropped. The other boy wasn’t responding, so Dean began cursing Charlie in his head. 

Instantly, he pulled back, leaving Cas staring up at him with wide eyes, mouth hanging slightly open. 

“I-I’m so sorry. I’ve just had a crush on you since the start of high school, and I just couldn’t leave and never see you again without doing something. I’m just really sorry, I don’t—fuck,” Dean couldn’t stop the words from falling off his tongue, so he just mumbled out curse words as he backed away, towards Charlie, who was watching the interactions with a dismayed expression. 

“I fucking hate you,” he hissed at her as he stormed past her, aiming for the bathroom, so he could stop himself crying like an ass. 

Meanwhile, Charlie was eyeing Cas, who was staring after Dean, unblinking. Anna was stood next to him, with an equally amazed expression. 

It was then Charlie remembered she was supposed to be Dean’s best friend, so she spun around, gown twirling with her as she sped through the crowd.

 

“Dean! Dean, seriously! I will not hesitate to come into this bathroom,” she called through the thick wooden door. 

The school hallways were practically abandoned, seen as everyone was packed into the main hall, so she was confident that they were totally alone.

Slowly, the door opened, revealing an obviously upset Dean. His eyes were red, and he was biting down on his lip hard. 

“I fucked up, Charles. I really fucked up.”

His voice was thick, and she knew he was holding back tears. Whispering her apologies, she threw her arms around him and held him close, in an embrace she hoped comforted him. 

 

Three hours later, just after they’d sat down to eat, there was a knock at his door. Seen as he was closest to the door, Dean excused himself and left the dinner table. 

His parents had wanted him to go out with them for dinner to celebrate, but Dean had declined, insisting that he’d rather spend the evening at home. 

So, Mary and Sam had whipped up a steak dinner, with pie for dessert. The whole house smelled amazing, and Dean knew he should have been happy, but his earlier screw-up was still at the forefront of his mind. 

Grateful for the break from his family, he strolled down the gloomy hallway to greet whichever salesman that had decided to bother them. When he got within about ten feet of the door, whoever it was knocked again. Dean rolled his eyes at the impatience and quickly closed the distance, flinging the door open as soon as he reached it.

What he found on his doorstep had him rooted to the ground. 

“Is it true?” Castiel demanded, having exchanged the graduation gown for black jeans and a white dress shirt, which he wore under his too-large beige trench coat. 

“What?” 

“Is it true?” He asked again, staring up at Dean with an unreadable expression. 

“Is what true?” Dean couldn’t bring himself to meet Cas’ eyes, but that just meant he ended up staring at his lips instead. 

Castiel actually laughed, but it seemed more of a pissed off gasp of disbelief than anything else. 

“Is it true that the last four years of my life have been a total clusterfuck of emotions because you have a crush on me?” Castiel yelled at him as he stepped closer. “Is it true that I’ve spent countless hours feeling like shit after hearing the cruel remarks that you and your friends have spat at me behind my back, all because you were crushing on me?” He yelled that too, and took another step closer, forcing Dean back into the hallway of his house. “Is it true, Dean, that the heartless name calling was all because you were trying to hide your feelings for me?” Cas didn’t even realise how far he was walking into Dean’s house, he just kept storming forward, shouting in his face, ignoring the slightly stunned look Dean wore. “Is it true that you are such a fucking asshole that you would wait until graduation to kiss me in front of everyone, and humiliate me in front of Anna?” He finished, his voice getting quieter and more resigned as he finished his last sentence.

“Cas-”

“Don’t fucking _Cas_ me! You’ve spoken a total of four words to my face before today. What in God’s name made you think that what you did was okay?” When Dean didn’t reply, but instead turned his head away and rubbed his neck, and then Cas continued in a smaller voice. “Was it a bet? A dare?” 

“No!” Dean replied immediately, instinctively snapping his head towards Cas to defend himself. “I just—” he licked his dry lips and tried to tame his pounding heart. “I just really fucking likeyou, okay?” 

Cas huffed out another of those disbelieving laughs. 

“No, not okay.” He took a calming breath and rubbed his face with both his hands. “Why did you wait until graduation?”

Dean couldn’t think of a response. Cas was so close to him, he could smell the aftershave, see the small dashes of colour within his eyes. 

“I don’t know,” was all he could offer up. 

“You don’t-” Castiel scoffed, raising his eyebrows. “You don’t fucking _know_? All these years, Dean. All these years of me convincing myself you’d never be anything but totally straight, and definitely not into me, if, by some miracle, you came out as bi. All these years of getting butterflies every time I was in a class with you, and you didn’t say a fucking thing.”Cas closed his eyes and tilted his head back, sucking on his lips. 

Dean blinked in astounded silence. 

“You-you felt the same?” He breathed, blinking rapidly in the certainty that everything would melt away and he’d wake up around then. 

“Yes,” Cas breathed, and when he opened his eyes, Dean could see the tears that were building up in his eyes. “Since the start,” he whispered, eyes flickering down to the floor. “But that doesn’t matter now, because we’re going to college, and after the Summer, we’re probably never going to see each other again.” 

“Cas, I’m so sorry. About everything: the bullying, staying quiet about how I felt, everything.”

Castiel slumped forward and rested his head on Dean’s chest as he sighed. 

“Me too.” 

Dean put his hands on Cas’ lower back and held him close. Castiel sighed again before steeling himself to look up at Dean. Their faces were inches away from each other, and they both must have thought, ‘oh, fuck it’ at the same time, because before either could really think about it, they were kissing, and it was so much better than before. 

Cas was responding this time, and he did so enthusiastically. He reached up and wound his arms around Dean’s neck, clinging to him tightly as he dragged his tongue over Dean’s lower lip, everything else in the world suddenly insignificant. All that mattered was the warmth of Cas’ mouth.

That is, until he heard the door that led out of the hallway creak open. 

“Honey, is everything- _oh_.”

Dean jumped away from Cas guiltily, whipping around to face his mom with terror scrawled across his face. 

“Hello, Mrs Winchester,” Castiel greeted her quietly, seen as Dean had apparently lost the ability to speak. 

“Hi, uh…?”

“Castiel. I’m Castiel.” 

“Oh!” Mary squeaked, confusion melting away. “ _You’re_ Cas! It’s nice to finally meet you.” She glanced over to Dean, who was blushing profusely and smiling awkwardly. 

“Finally?” Cas smirked, turning his teasing gaze on Dean, enjoying the flush he found on Dean’s cheeks, which spread down to his ears, and Cas would put money on it reaching his shoulders. God, he would _give_ money to see that. His breath caught at the thought. 

“Dean’s mentioned you a few times.” She shrugged, but she knew exactly what she was doing. “Would you like to stay for dinner?” 

“Oh, I’d love to, but I wouldn’t want to intrude.” 

Dean still hadn’t spoken up, purely because he was still reeling from the kiss. Cas’ tongue on his lips, their bodies pressed together, the spread of heat in his stomach, the urge to just—the blush definitely spread down from his cheeks. He definitely should not be thinking the thoughts he was while stood so close to his mother, either. 

“You wouldn’t be, honey. We’ve got an extra steak anyway, because Sam’s not eating meat right now. How about it?” 

Cas looked up at Dean, not quite smiling. Dean nodded, giving the silent permission that Cas was asking for. 

“I’d love to, thank you.” 

“I’ll…go set an extra place.” She laughed quietly, before adding, “I’ll just leave you two to it, then.” She left the hallway, blonde curls bouncing as she walked away, tittering.

“Cas, I’m sorry.”

“I like you. A lot. You’re forgiven. I just wish you’d have told me sooner.” Cas let himself get close to Dean once again. 

“Me too, more than anything.” Dean shook his head as he spoke, not quite sure if he should reach out to Cas or something.

“We could try to make up for lost time?” Castiel suggested, almost shyly. Dean didn’t understand for a moment, but when he caught sight of how Cas was biting his lip and peering up at Dean through his eyelashes, it clicked. 

“O- _oh_.” He let out a nervous laugh that he really wished he’d kept to himself. “After dinner,” he promised, suddenly remembering every way in which his room was a mess. 

“We don’t have to, it’s okay.’’

Dean licked his lips reflexively. He was oddly turned on yet still confused. A _lot_ had happened over the course of a few minutes. 

“I’ll think about it,” he teased lightly. 

“So, what do I introduce myself to your father as?” Cas wondered aloud to break the awkwardness. He hadn’t expected Dean to clam up, but it was kind of adorable. 

“What do you mean?” 

“I’m asking, Winchester, if one, I’m your boyfriend, and two, if you’re out to your dad.” It was then that Castiel felt a cold breeze, which brought his attention to the fact that he’d left the front door open, so he decided to give Dean some time to consider his options, and turned away from him to retreat down the hall to close the door, taking a deep breath of the sharp evening air just before it clicked shut. 

“Do you wanna be my boyfriend?” Dean asked to the back of Cas’ head.

He smiled at the light wood of the door, pretending to consider it. Slowly, he turned on his heel, eyes finding Dean’s easily. 

“I would love to be your boyfriend, Dean, thank you for asking.” 

Dean rolled his eyes and marched forward, shoving Cas against the door. 

“Oh, I love it when you get assertive.” Cas licked his top lip, smiling in a way that would have alarmed Dean if it didn’t drop off his face the moment he grabbed Castiel’s ass. “But we both know you’re a bottom.”

“Fuck off,” Dean whispered half heartedly, moments before leaning in and gently touching his own lips to Cas’, hands still on the other boy’s ass. They just kissed for a moment, but Cas pushed him away.

“Either take me upstairs or get your hands off me, because I’m thinking _very_ inappropriate thoughts.” 

Reluctantly, Dean removed his hands and stepped away from Castiel, sending him a wink with the promise of ‘later’. 

“I’ll introduce you to dad, don’t worry.” 

“Are you okay with me staying?” Cas looked up into Dean’s eyes once again, hoping he wouldn’t notice the anxiety he held within them. 

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Because this is the longest conversation we’ve ever had.” 

“The first of many, I hope.” 

 

Cas was sat on the end of the table, next to Dean, who was across from his father. Sam had just brought in Cas’ plate, which only had their guest staring at it like it was the holy grail. Dean filed it under ‘things to ask Cas about later’. 

Another odd thing that Dean noted was that Castiel was just sat at the table, not eating, while everyone else started. He leaned over to whisper to Cas that he could begin, when he was interrupted.

“Don’t be rude, Dean,” John ordered in a gravelly tone, pre-emptively scolding him for not talking out loud at the table.

“I was just gonna tell Cas that he can start, ‘cause we don’t say grace, usually.” 

“Oh, honey, I’m sorry!” Mary exclaimed, putting down her cutlery. “Would you like to say grace? We don’t normally, but if you’d like to, then please, we don’t mind.” 

“No, thank you, Mrs Winchester, that’s okay. I just wanted to thank you, I can’t remember the last time I had a meal like this.” He smiled at Mary, oblivious to the concerned look Dean was shooting him. 

“It’s my pleasure, Castiel.” 

It seemed that was the permission Cas was looking for, because he cautiously picked up his knife and fork and cut into the steak. 

“So, Castiel,” John began, surprising every Winchester at the table by actually making conversation. “You’re one of Dean’s school friends?” 

“Yes, you could say that.” Castiel chanced a glance at Dean, who shook his head minutely. 

“Well, just so you know, I don’t appreciate yelled swearing directed at my son in my house.” John gave Castiel _that look_ , which made Cas want to curl up into a ball and disappear. But he was there with Dean. For Dean.

“I’m really sorry, sir, I can’t justify that.” 

“No, you can’t,” John confirmed, breaking the staring contest with Cas when Mary placed her hand on his arm, warning him to lay off. 

“So,” Sam began in a tone of voice that Dean knew, recognised, and hated. “Are you two dating now?” 

Dean froze. He looked to Cas for help, but he just shrugged. 

“Don’t ask stupid questions, Sam. Of course they’re not.” John rolled his eyes, waiting for Mary to back him up. When she didn’t, he looked at his son expectantly. 

Dean changed his tactic and glanced at his mother, who nodded. He took a deep breath. 

“Actually, uh, we are.” 

Under the table, Cas grasped his hand. 

“Since when?” At this point, John was just convinced that his whole family were tricking him. 

“About five minutes ago,” Cas answered for him, continuing to casually sit there as if it were just an ordinary conversation. 

“You’re kidding,” John concluded, but he was the only one laughing. 

“Do you-” Dean gripped Cas’ hand tighter, feeling like his veins had frozen solid. “Do you have a problem with that?” 

John looked like he wanted to argue, but a gentle nudge from his wife reminded him that it was Dean’s graduation evening, and he definitely shouldn’t spoil it. 

“No.”

That’s all that was said on the matter. The rest of the meal passed in stony silence. Cas could have cut the tension in the air with scissors. 

 

In between courses, Cas helped Sam take away everyone’s plates, and was instructed to just leave them in the sink for later. 

“Hey, Cas,” Sam began before they went back out. “I’m glad you two are together. He really likes you.” 

“I really like him.” 

“What’s gonna happen when you go to college?” 

That stumped him. He felt a pang in his stomach at the thought of it. His earlier words came back to him, promising that they wouldn’t see each other again after college began.

“I have no idea.” 

 

“So, Cas, what are you going to be studying at college?” Mary asked, having decided she wasn’t going to allow the stale atmosphere to continue through dessert.

“I’m going to major in linguistics, and study writing as a minor.” 

“Oh, that’s cool,” Mary approved. “Where are you going to be studying?” 

“MIT.” 

Dean dropped his fork, staining the tablecloth with the pie filling. Cas snapped his head around to look at him in alarm.

“Holy shit,” Dean whispered. John opened his mouth to scold him for cursing, but Mary stopped him. 

“What?” 

“We’re both going to MIT, man.” Dean was looking at him with something other than shared excitement in his eyes. Cas couldn’t quite place it.

“You’re shitting me,” Cas accused, staring at Dean with widened eyes. 

Dean laughed, shaking his head. Sam and Mary watched on in amused silence, while John continued eating as if nothing was happening.

“Oh, my god,” Cas gasped, covering his mouth with his hand. “Dean!” He threw his arms around Dean’s neck there and then, forgetting the pie entirely as he buried his face into Dean’s neck, only thinking of the future. Their future. 

 

Dean was pressed up against his bedroom wall, shamelessly moaning into Cas’ mouth. He was happy to stay there and be groped until they got tired, but Cas had other ideas. 

“Dean, no.” He broke the kiss, but Dean immediately reinstated it. “ _Stop_.” 

Dean came to his senses. “What? What’s the matter?” He asked, gasping for air as he did.

“I don’t wanna do this here. It’s not right. Your family’s just downstairs, and I want this to be special, I don’t know.” Castiel rubbed the back of his neck and stepped away from Dean, making his way over to the large double bed. 

The duvet was white, in stark contrast to the dark blue walls and light brown wooden floor. He barely noticed the random laundry slung across the room, or the occasional bits of trash that littered the border of the room. 

“How about we go to The Deer?” Dean suggested, butterflies making an appearance in his stomach at the thought of actually sleeping with Cas. 

“The no-tell motel?” Cas asked incredulously. 

“To be frank, Cas, I would have you anywhere at this point.”

“Horny little teenager, aren’t you?” Cas smiled, but then rubbed his hand over his face and sighed. “I’ve never been there, how is it?” 

“I don’t know, I’ve never been there either.” 

There was moment where they locked eyes and broke down laughing after a few seconds. 

“Fuck, this better be worth it,” Cas said it like he thought it wouldn’t be. 

 

Before Dean knew what was happening, they’d told his parents that they were going back to Cas’ house, and were in the Impala, on their way to the dim-lit motel on the outskirts of town. 

Neither of them could find any words to say. They were both just so filled with anticipation, and overcome with the little flutters their stomachs were making, it was too much to even begin to think of a conversation.  

It all happened too quickly. One moment, they were in the car. Next, they were on a large bed, red silk-like sheets sliding under them, with Cas’ legs hugging Dean’s hips, and Dean’s hands in Cas’ hair. 

This was it. It was actually happening. Dean could feel Cas’ erection pressing into his thigh through two layers of denim, and he blushed like he couldn’t feel his own. 

“Dean,” Cas rasped, slipping his hands under Dean’s waistband. “Tell me if you want me to stop.” 

Dean nodded, safe in the knowledge that he wouldn’t ask him to stop, even if he was uncomfortable. Cas paused and leaned down from his straddled position to kiss Dean messily.

Slowly, he pulled away and let his fingers find the hem of Dean’s black t-shirt. He worked it up Dean’s chest inch by inch, teasing him. Dean leaned forward so Cas could pull it over his head, fully revealing his freckled chest. 

It was an area Dean had always been insecure about. He was pretty happy with his body, overall, but the slight chub that resided around his stomach always bothered him. Cas seeing it, though, was different. He didn’t mind. In fact, insecurity didn’t even cross his mind. Not even when Castiel dragged his finger down the middle of Dean’s front and whispered, “So beautiful.” 

Dean couldn’t reply. He just let his head loll back onto the crisp pillow and focused on the light touches that brushed across his skin. 

When he felt something drag across his denim-clad crotch, he gasped and his eyes shot open. He had not been expecting that. Cas immediately removed his hands and held them up, fingers splayed. 

“Are you okay?” 

“I-” Dean’s breath caught when he met Cas’ eyes again. “I want this,” he affirmed, unsure if he was trying to convince Cas or himself. 

Cas bit his lip. He could tell Dean was uncomfortable, but he wasn’t sure whether it was just nerves. He knew Dean wouldn’t tell him anything, so he resolved to carefully read his body language from that point on. 

His slender fingers travelled down to the metal button of Dean’s jeans, and swiftly undid it. He shuffled back and leaned over so he could pull the zipper down with his teeth. 

At the sight, Dean felt his arousal increase tenfold. It was perfect, he decided.

Soon, his jeans had been wriggled down his legs and thrown off the end of the bed, forgotten as soon as they were no longer useful. Cas took the liberty of removing his own shirt, unbuttoning it quickly and letting it gracefully float to the floor. 

His jeans were the next to go, ending up in the same place as his shirt. 

Once those were out of the way, Cas moved back up to Dean’s hips and lowered himself down to kiss his boyfriend— _his_ boyfriend _, oh, my god_ —again. It felt infinitely better to both of them when it was just skin between their chests. Dean swore he could feel Cas’ heart beating against his own.

He raised his hands and placed them on Cas’ shoulders, quickly sliding them down the other’s body until his fingers found a soft material, which was hugging Castiel’s hips. He stopped for a moment, but then slid his fingers under the elastic, moving his hands around to cup Castiel's ass. 

He wanted this. 

“D-Dean!” Castiel moved his hips in a way that made Dean gasp. In response, Cas returned the favour, his warm hands slipped under Dean’s boxer shorts and found his ass. 

He wanted this. 

Then, those warm hands began tracing patterns on Dean’s skin. 

He wanted this.

One delved further, pausing briefly at the top of his cheeks. 

He…wanted this?

Dean felt a single finger trace down his ass.

He didn’t want this. 

“Cas,” Dean gasped, already feeling the humiliation wash over him. “Cas, please, stop!” 

Castiel snapped back into himself straight away, and hastily took his hands off Dean. 

“What’s wrong? Are you okay?” 

“I just—Cas, I _can’t_. Fuck, I’m sorry, I—” He also took his hands off Cas and used them to hide his face.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” Cas spoke gently and rolled off Dean, flopping down on the space next to him. He reached up and took Dean’s hands off his face, revealing tears that were streaming down his face. Hot tears of shame. 

Castiel wiped the wetness away with his thumb, which only caused Dean to sniff dejectedly. 

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered, feeling something twist in his gut, making him want to throw up. 

“Dean, it’s okay.” Cas dragged his thumb over Dean’s cheekbone. “I don’t mind, it’s fine.” 

“No, no it’s not,” Dean murmured, “I’m pathetic, I’m sorry.” He felt pathetic, anyway. It was the worst feeling he’d ever experienced. He was laying there, tears marking his cheeks. Though, somehow, he was still hard. 

“It’s _okay_. We don’t have to rush into anything. I’ve waited four years to be with you, I don’t mind waiting some more.” 

Dean couldn’t think of a reply. The shame still bit at him, especially as he couldn’t even figure out why he stopped Cas.

After Cas realised he wasn’t going to get a reply, he just draped his arm over Dean’s waist and cuddled up to him for a little while.

 

“I wanna take a shower,” Dean stated after a little while, after he and Cas’ breathing had synchronised in a way that would suggest they’d fallen asleep. 

“Okay.” Cas took his arm off Dean’s waist and returned it to his own chest.

“No, I wanna take a shower…with you,” he mumbled shyly, looking away from Castiel’s soft cerulean gaze.

“Oh,” Cas breathed, fingers reaching up to touch the freckles on Dean’s chest. “Okay.”

 

And that’s how they ended up in the tiny bath in the tiny motel bathroom, lips locked together with water running down their naked bodies. 

And though John Winchester was most certainly not okay with them, and they knew next to nothing about one another, they were happy, which meant that, for a moment, nothing mattered, nothing except the fact they were happy, and happy together. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like the ending was rushed. I wanted to go in, do some actual smut, but it didn't feel right, so I instead added seven thousand commas. But hey, it's cheesy and corny, but it works and I like it.   
> I hope you enjoyed! If you like it, please leave a comment and check out my other stuff! Thank you!


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